i'm no different than you

'just my thoughts man - right or wrong...just what I was feeling at the time' - Jay Z

I am no different than you

We cannot really judge one another, or blame one another for our thoughts and opinions.  It is honestly best to forgive someone for ideas you disagree with.  Best to appreciate their perspective.  Taking this approach broadens your own perspective, and allows you to employ a broader scope...a wider lens.

I once heard a line related to this, and it's surfaced often when thinking about others...and our differences.  It basically says that 'you would do exactly what any other  person does...behave in the same exact manner...had you been born to their parents, in the place they were raised, and brought up the same way'.  I'm not sure where I heard this.  Maybe it just came to me.  Actually, I'll just go ahead and claim it as mine right now!  However simple it may be, it has provided me with a moral integrity in which I believe we're all on the same level playing field.  

Here is a healthy practice for you to try:  think of a child living in a very different situation and place than what you have...preferably a child in a different culture, different socio-economic situation...something almost 'opposite' of you.  Then consider the fact that this child could have been you!  What if you were born there?  Had to walk in those shoes?  In that climate?  This consideration has helped me develop a better understanding of others, and has led to less judgement.  It's allowed me to listen more effectively.  It's let me submit to others, and forgive, and appreciate.

This can sound like a weak position.  Always submitting to others, and forgiving when people hurt me, or bring adversity to my life?  Won't that just lead to people steam rolling over me and using me as a doormat?  No.  Believe it or not, giving up control and judgement has given me a stronger sense of who I am.  Instead of wasting so much energy on trying to control others, and situations, to no avail...I maintain a positive mindset, and often frame a response in my mind with the phrase 'Is that so?'  This provides a position where almost nothing can knock me off course, regardless of the strength of the tides.  I acknowledge the potential storm.  I maintain the secure and reliable mast, and calmly set the main sail.  Then I begin wayfinding through the tempest.  I feel like Maui...with Moana at my side!  

'I am Moanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!'

I once feared different ideas and opinions, opposite of my own.  I was once intimidated by others who stood for values other than mine.  This fear is what I believe to be one of the obstacles between groups not seeing eye to eye.  And considering how many of us often fear the unknown, it may not even be a conscious wall we're constructing within our minds.  A natural cascading and compounding of negative or fear-filled thoughts can build, without us being aware.  It's as if within our typical day, during our tasks, we mindlessly grab a brick and place it on an arbitrary line.  When the day is done, we've put up a faulty facade...a sloppy screen between ourselves and others.  It gives you a false sense of security, and you may be proud of where you stand and what you've built.  But the wall was constructed on careless judgement, weak mortar mix, an uneven foundation...not deliberate decisions, mindful masonry, on a level, compacted cornerstone.   

I've already blogged some about being aware of our own thoughts, and the benefits of thinking positive.  Here is a post related to that.  This awareness will help to clean up your rubble if you have some, and strengthen your position and security without the need of a wall.  What's the best way to find that awareness?  Start meditating.  And start being mindful of your thoughts and reactions to different subjects.  It takes practice like anything else.  But with a little training, you'll find yourself on a journey filled with happiness and contentment.  Your shoulder may soften with the chip removed, allowing others a better landing to lean on.  

One final thought that I think of often is 'how do i make other people feel?'  At the end of our short time in this place, this question may be central to how successful our time was actually invested.  This is of course difficult to know, as we can't totally understand how others feel about us.  And it's less about what others 'think' of us...more about the kindness, support, generosity, and acceptance that we provide...hopefully leading to a comfort and security felt by the people around us.  I believe a good, healthy self check-in is to ask yourself 'how am I making other people feel?'

You feel me?



Music:  Here is an oldie but a goodie from The Lumineers.  The band leader's wife told him he was like the Dead Sea...that she'll never sink when he's with her...and he wrote a song including this sentiment.  How romantic. 

en·tre·pre·neur äntrəprəˈnər

'the most dangerous thing you can do in life is play it safe' - Casey Neistat

Sit down.  Don't talk.  Raise your hand.  Stay in line.  Don't be late.  Quiet down.  Put that away.  Share.  Read this.  Watch that.  You can eat now.  Play like this.  Don't speak out.  Settle down.  Be prepared. 

This is what our kids are told...time and time again.  What must become slowly and steadily ingrained is the idea that they should all conform, follow the crowd, learn how everyone else does, choose a career, spend a lot of money to study within that field with a college education, find a company to work for, and work...so that you can afford things like a car and a house and a latte...then, they will be successful. 

Are we introducing and exposing our children to enough entrepreneurial ideas to truly let them know about other options they may have?  At Concord High School, I can remember one single unit within I believe an Economics class.  Mr. Denoncourt worked so hard with us to help us pronounce the word en-tre-pre-neur.  I said it wrong until college.  I don't remember a single thing from that unit we studied however...but I'm sure it was thorough in explaining the option for citizens to...yippee! start your own business!  You could make and sell cookies with your mom, or you could design a tshirt, and sell it out of the trunk of your car.  I'm sure the text book detailed some of the easier fields to enter as a business starter, like construction, landscaping, or dog walking.  I'm sure one of the bolded subject headings was 'be your own boss', and we probably discussed as a class the pros and cons to running your own company.  Mr Denoncourt was genuine in his efforts, I am sure.  But all I remember is äntrəprəˈnər.  

Considering the loyalty once involved in working for a company, and the lack of commitment and loyalty in present times, we owe it to our kids to expose them to more.  One unit is not enough.  I'm sure there was more within my high school curriculum and I just missed it...I was in a fog most of the time.  But I know there wasn't enough.  

Years ago, one could be very secure in choosing a company to work for, sticking with that job for many years, and then retiring with a good sized pension to ride off into the sunset with.  It is not the same today.  It's predicted that our youngest workers will hold around 12-15 jobs in their lifetime.  It's also commonly noted that the average worker will make 5-7 career changes during there career.  It is simply a very different workplace.



Speak out.  Hustle.  Grind.  Don't sleep.  Find a loophole.  Challenge authority. The time is right now.  Make your own line to stand in.  You are creative.  Develop grit.  Ask more questions.  Better questions.  Come up with ideas.  More than that.  Start something now.  Take the risk.  Don't seek comfort.  Don't listen to me.  Do whatever the #%@$ you want to do, whenever the #%@$ you want to do it.  

What if these were some ideas we showered our kids with?  That's it...I'm starting a school, and the paragraph above will serve as the uncommon core curriculum.  The mission statement will have to be, 'do whatever the #%@$ you want to do, whenever the #%@$ you want to do it'.  When I step back and think, that phrase can simply define success like no other.  Children and adults alike could find so much happiness and success by first searching, finding, discovering, and identifying their own passions and loves...and then working, playing, and living within those areas as much as possible.  I'm not sure our schools, our communities, our parents, our culture is set up for that.  

I want my daughter Matilda to know that there are many paths.  And that she has many choices.  She'll be able to pronounce entrepreneur this year.  I'm going to introduce her to my uncommon curriculum...though I might leave out the do whatever you want part for now.  I'm still figuring this parenting thing out.  She will though, be able to dream something up, take a risk, and even fail, knowing that she'll have help to get up and find a different way.

In the short term, we're starting a small farm stand called The Grower's Daughter.  Matilda is very excited about this.  She'll be selling some plants we started from seed, some breads that we made, cookies, vegetables and honey in the Fall, and whatever else comes to mind.  The Grand Opening is tomorrow from 11-1pm at our house...so please stop by to say hello!  I'm hoping that this new adventure will play a small part in helping her develop some skills, passion, and even some hustle.  



Music:  Here is a beautiful song called Cherry Wine by Hozier.  It actually raised awareness and funds for domestic violence.  Enjoy!

r.o.i.

'rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth' - Thoreau

Return on Investment:  A performance measure used to evaluate the efficiency of an investment.  

I am always focusing on this word 'efficiency'.  Always considering methods that will streamline, or make things most economical.  And while these thoughts are on my mind while sitting in the Edward Jones office, preparing to discuss my financial investment portfolio (saying that you have an investment portfolio sounds so pretentious!), I'm writing today and thinking about how this philosophy applies to other aspects of our daily lives.  

We have a finite amount of time to be alive.  There are so many things I want to do!  I feel if I don't somehow multiply or compound my interest and interests, I simply won't be living to my potential...won't be able to reach all of my goals...and won't be able to have a complete, fulfilling, and successful day.

Considering all of the chaos and stress and fast pace of our lives, this sounds messy, and cramming, and overwhelming.  You may be thinking, 'Right...there aren't enough hours within a day!'  And you may be 'burning the wick at both ends' as they say, and feeling like there's no catching up.  How could you even consider adding new items to your plate, or reaching for new heights on your success ladder.  Well, it's always wise to consider your r.o.i. first.  And practicing mindfulness throughout will keep you balanced.  


speak the truth
As I age, I find myself searching for the absolute honest truth within things...good or bad...just let me see what's real.  My skin is thicker now.  The insecurities mitigated.  I really don't care about a lot of nonsense that once consumed me...and that frees up a lot of space to accept truth.  

One great truth always being spoken to us is our health.  At Thanksgiving, when we would go around the table and say what we were thankful for, some aunt or cousin, or niece's boyfriend would always say they're thankful for good health.  That not even a thing!  It doesn't mean anything.  It's an arbitrary, general statement used to quickly get on to the next relative.  That is what I thought anyway.  When you, or someone close to you becomes unhealthy, injured, or simply older and aware of new limitations...you quickly understand the fortune of good health.  

That is why things like exercise and diet have such great returns on investments!  They are honest and effective formulas leading to good health.  If you jump into an intense training program and very strict diet tomorrow, the benefits and rewards of doing so will be amazing!  It's a very simple formula.  Aha!  But it's very hard work to implement and maintain.  Otherwise, we'd all be doing it.  

I absolutely love the sport of basketball.  It has given me returns that I never expected...introduced me to so many people that I cherish...allowed me to experience passion and fun and competition and challenge...and time and time again, it has been so very honest with me.  I think this is what I now appreciate most about it.  'You get out what you put in', is a phrase that comes to mind.  I had 'practiced' and 'played' the sport from time to time, but it wasn't until I completely focused and dedicated myself to hours of tailored training, that I came to understand what came from hard work, and how to truly invest in something for myself.  At one point, during the start of my college

basketball career (you can read some more about this time here...on my 'about me' page), I decided to, on top of a bunch of strenuous training sessions, shoot 300 three pointers a day.  Along with that, the coach asked each player to shoot 100 free throws a day.  I think one other player and I were the only two that did this no excuses...7 days a week.  This training...the consistent repetition of movements...the culture that came with always being near a basketball and a hoop...the camaraderie gained grinding out work with others...and the grit earned by winning hard fought physical battles on my own...instilled something in me that I hold dearly to this day.  The actual shooting itself became somewhat automatic for me.  Three pointers felt like free throws.  Free throws felt like layups.  I could feel a difference.  And I was proud of my investment.

Basketball is where I found this.  But you can find this honest earning of truth within a lot of activities.   Learning how to play guitar is where I've found it most recently.  



shopping cart 🛒
I don't buy as many things as I used to.  I scrutinize purchases now to no end.  I sit and ruminate on whether or not I really need this item...really want it.  I totally consider the r.o.i. that this item will bring me over time.  Is this going to be trendy to me?  Will I love it in 5 years?  Can I use it for 2 years, and sell it for what I buy it for?  I highly recommend doing this for any big ticket items you're considering.  Also remember, buying an 'experience' over a tangible item is more likely to be fulfilling.  In this way, money can buy happiness.  I still like buying 'things' here and there though.  Here are some things I put in my shopping cart over the last couple of years:

• road bicycle
• electric guitar
• trip to Disney
• log splitter (for firewood)
• brick and stone walkway

I really want to buy a drone next.  They're just cool ok?  Probably frivolous...I know.  I've been thinking about it though, and may pull the trigger soon!  

proximity

Who are the people around you most?  Are you investing in those that you appreciate and love?  One of the most effective ways to find long term happiness is through your relationships with friends and family.  It starts with you though.  I've mentioned this before...'turn your expectations into appreciation' is what Tony Robbins says, and it totally applies to all relationships.  How do you keep yourself around the people you want to be around?  One simple way to start is to get rid of the folks you don't want to be around.  We often have some people in our lives that empty our bucket.  They are depleting.  They take and don't give back.  And they are unhealthy for us.  Life is too short.  Value your time more, and stop spending it on folks like this.  Once your standard is set, you'll start noticing more bucket filling folks in your proximity.

Music:  Ryan Adams continues to be very inspiring for me.  Here's a great song with just him and his piano.

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