school ties

'every child is an artist.  the problem is how to remain an artist once [they] grow up'  - Picasso

*two books related to this topic...and that I highly recommend reading are The Global Achievement Gap by Wagner, and Home Grown: adventures in parenting off the beaten path, unschooling, and reconnecting with the natural world by Hewitt.

Also, check out this blog on Unschooling by Leo Babauta

As Matilda grows closer to school aged, I find myself thinking about her education more and more.  She's 4 years old now, and won't be old enough for kindergarten until the Fall of 2018.  So there is some time...but none like the present to consider options.  I honestly haven't made any conclusions about how I feel in regards to kindergarten and school yet.  But I have read a bunch, spoke to some others about it, and think on it often.  Hopefully, writing on the topic will allow me to explore it more deeply, and help define what I truly believe in.  



step back
While you may think I'm speaking of a Steph Curry 'step back' 3 pointer, I'm talking more about what I believe all of us 'citizens' need to practice before thinking about education.  It's a term that I'll use to describe a pausing, stepping out of the box, and the employment of a wide and general perspective.  You see, I never questioned school really.  I'm not sure my parents did either.  Maybe your parents didn't.  It's just been accepted over time that school is where you go starting at age 5 and ending at age 18.  It's what everyone does.  We've done it for a long time, and now you're going to do it.  But what does that allow our children?  What does it provide them?  How does it challenge them?  How is it tailored for them?  What will it prepare them for?  And how will we determine their success within this institution?  

It is pretty obvious to me that a student that attends 180 days of school (let's say a first grader), will know more facts and things than a child that doesn't go to school for that 180 days.  The schooled student will test better, follow rules quicker, and be better prepared to take in the 2nd grade curriculum.  They will be 'ahead of the curve' compared to the unschooled child.  'Stepping back' though...is saying 'who cares' to all of that.  It's saying, standardized tests are not what define my child.  It's recognizing that rules can be bent in life outside of school...there is always a loophole...and questioning everything is very beneficial.  It's submitting to the rat race of parent's claiming high percentiles of where their child sits, admitting that the curve that we're all trying to get ahead of is a slippery slope that doesn't matter as much as we're drilled to believe.  Stepping back is believing that it's ok that my child doesn't ride a bike as well as other 4 year olds.  It's ok if my child's reading level isn't where the common core says it should be.  I understand it's difficult to be ok with that, especially considering societal pressure.  But...we don't need to constantly compare each to another...and rank accordingly.  We all contain multitudes.  These microcosms and measurements are small pieces of our entire selves.  


math/statistics
6 hours per school day (approx) multiplied by 180 school days = 1080 hours per school year.  

12 school years + kindergarten = 13 school years.

13 school years x 1080 hours = 14,040 hours of total schooling through completion.

Is it too much?  Is it enough?  Are the hours used most effectively?

The average American 15 year old spends about 5 hours per week doing homework...and since students with a more advantaged socio-economic status tend to do more homework than less fortunate students, 'homework helps perpetuate existing inequalities in education', says the PISA (Programme for International Student Assessment) researchers. 

According to the Pew Research Center, the United States ranks '38th out of 71 countries in math...24th in science...24th in reading'.  

While there have been some very small gains since the 1990's, standardized test scores in the US have gone down since 2013.  

How are our schools failing us?  How are they preparing our children for the unpredictable, ever changing future?  Do test scores matter?  Do world rankings matter?  How are our children allowed to fail, and encouraged to try again...a different way? 

This TED talk is one of the most watched ever.  It asks the question, 'do schools kill creativity'?  And I highly recommend it! ...the video...not killing creativity.

How kind is kindergarten?

Recent NH news has described how full day kindergarten will finally be funded here, as it passed through the NH legislature.  

Having discussions with many parents about this, I've heard a common thread...and that is that the schedule of full-day kindergarten will allow parents to send their kids away without having to pick up or drop off midday.  So basically, it's the logistics that people are most happy about.  This is just what I've heard the most...not the entire story.  

I've also heard a bit of 'my child will be more ready for 1st grade, which will then lead to future success'.  This argument is somewhat obvious to me again...but another area in which I use the step back approach.  Of course, any student that goes through the routine of a full day school schedule will be ahead of one that doesn't.  They will test better, follow rules quicker, possess a deeper understanding of how a school day functions, sit at a higher reading and math level, etc. etc. However, the 'leading to future success' part has been proven wrong.  The intellectual and social/emotional gains from kindergarten are found up to a 3rd or 4th grade level.  After that they drop off.  So if we step back and consider what the real pros and cons of full day kindergarten are, there is more of a story that I need to be told.  Some questions I have about it are:

How much 'free play time' will children have?  What is the curriculum, and where I can I find it?  What arts will be part of the school day?  Is funding this thing with Keno (a lottery game that I believe is currently illegal in NH) a wise decision...sustainable...respectable?  It feels...icky.  

I don't believe anymore in sedentary, sitting in the desk, receiving curriculum from the teacher, following structure and rules, no risk involved, being told how to think and learn.  I know this isn't every school and every teacher.  There are so many good ones out there...and they make a difference.  But the structure/institution seems to be broken...or lacking...and not providing the best possible return on investment.   

Take a look at this kindergarten in Tokyo, and look how different it looks from something our children will receive.  It's experiential, creates wonder, involves risk, allows bending of rules, includes inherent challenges (physical and emotional).  

what now?

I was a teacher once.  I didn't leave because I 'disagreed' with school.  I had surely lost the passion I once had though, and was feeling totally burnt out, lacking resources, lacking technology, looking at a pay cut the following year, wondering how to best provide for my young daughter in the years to come, and trying to run a small business on the side.  It was a multitude of variables pulling me away.  

I was a student once too.  I remember some good moments in elementary and middle school.  I had some fun, and made some great connections with people.  School felt easy to me.  I got good grades, and I had good manners.  On the other hand, I remember often staring off out a window, or at a wall.  Not an inspired and dream-filled daydream.  It was always filled with the thought, 'when will this be over?'  I remember feeling insecure, especially as I got older and entered high school, not fitting in, not knowing where to sit, how to get along.  Things became much harder for me then.  I failed.  I quit.  Fortunately, I went right back and finished.  But high school is a sad memory for me, and very negative.   I envy others when I hear they loved high school so much.  I'm happy for them, but that is foreign to me.  

I've recently became infatuated with this idea of Unschooling.  It's not homeschooling, with a curriculum and standards.  It's simply not going to school...and allowing the parent and child the decision on what to learn, when, and how they want to...ultimate freedom.  It sounds scary at first...and those thoughts of meeting grade level standards, keeping up with the Jones', and how will my kid be successful with that? start to creep in.  But if we step back, we can accept that those worries don't truly hold weight.  They don't define us as individuals when we leave school anyway....and the same questions can be asked of a schooler...with similar validity.  There are so many other meaningful experiences that can be had within 14,040 hours, that may lead to more influential lessons learned.  

Take a look at this talk by an unschooler.  He brings up some intriguing ideas, and it's refreshing to hear his perspective.  



Music:  This song is beautiful...and speaks about when a girl just has a way about her.

  

yes no maybe so

'your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision' 

-Tony Robbins

When the details on the surface are wiped
away...what is left

There are times in our life when we have to make a decision.  We find ourselves standing at a crossroads with options in front of us.  A typical crossroads would determine that we would have three options or choices.  Picture driving up to an actual intersection of roads. It's best to think of west.  The desert, tumbleweed, cacti, cactuses?  Both are accepted.  This setting just feels more serene and secluded.  And it's just cool. No one is there to witness your decision.  It is just you and this place and the road you choose.  You can take a left, go straight, or take a right...3 choices.  Maybe a good way to use this analogy would be to match up each choice of road with an answer to the question, 'should I do this?'  Of course 'this' can fit whatever situation you may have in your life.  With 3 choices of roads, road 1 is YES!  Road 2 is NO!  Road 3 is OTHER or MAYBE SO.

Road 1

She could make a new road with this!

I think whenever we are asking ourselves 'should I do this', it's usually because we already have a hunch that we want to do it.  'Go with your gut', 'follow your instincts', 'lead with your heart', are all phrases that tell us we already know the answer.  Yes is the answer.  We know what we'd like to do, and deep down we know what we desire.  However, before we commit ourselves to road 1, we are faced with obstacles like fear and insecurity that will ostensibly reveal that this decision was a bad choice.  That's terrible and very sad.  I think everyone needs more of road 1 in their life.  Be more of a 'yes man', and stop turning everything down.  Embrace change and moving forward.  Covet growth and the learning process, especially when you find yourself on the edge of comfort.  Many of us talk about our passions and what we truly want to be doing.  We describe it to others.  We visualize it in vivid detail.  We think about how it will all play out in the future.  But then we don't act.  This is why some psychologists have found that we shouldn't actually talk about our goals.  By speaking about them, and receiving feedback from others, we actually feel a sense of accomplishment and we lose the passion, the edge, the motivation we once had.  This has happened to me many times.  It's hard because we want to share our passion with others.  We want to bounce ideas.  Maybe we should just share the tip of the iceberg...or bounce one small ball to someone.  Don't spill it before acting on it.  When is the best time to start acting on your passions?  Right now.  Immediately.  The clock is ticking.  

'Do what you want' sounds negative and detached but if I teach and use effective language, I can help Matilda hold onto 'acting on her desires'.  It's really the same thing.  When we're young, it's natural for us.  But much like creativity, we tend to lose it along the road

Road 2
Being a 'yes man' and taking road 1 on your decisions can bring you places you never dreamed of.  However, there are often times when we have to say 'no'.  Maybe you're just done spending time with a certain person...maybe your schedule is full...maybe you're just wiped out from being the challenges of parenting.  All these are totally justifiable.  I've learned that 'no' doesn't have to be negative.  If we communicate to others our feelings and/or reasons along with our 'no', we should be comfortable and content in our position to turn something down.  Withing my business, I now notice myself saying 'no' more often.  I always try to say 'yes' and take road 1 when people have requests.  But for a variety of reasons, sometimes I turn things down.  In the past, I felt guilty or insecure about this.  But that doesn't hold any weight.  I tell myself that if I can't commit wholeheartedly to this decision, it won't work out for either party.  Therefore, taking Road 2 can be understood as the best decision for all involved.  Road 2 shouldn't be as worn and trodden as road 1, but don't be afraid to lay new tracks when warranted.    

'I'm not ready to be done Dad.  I don't want to leave yet' is a phrase that I cherish and honor when I can.
She's taking Road 2, and saying 'no' to being done with something.

Road 3
Sometimes we can't commit to a yes or no right now.  We aren't ready to.  I actually use road 3 often.  I'm not so great at deciding on things right away.  I like to ruminate on the idea for a while...sleep on it in a sense.  I have come to realize that spontaneity is powerful and rewarding, and have started implementing that more in my day to day.  However, on some big decisions, I still hold value in deliberate consideration, weighing pros and cons over time and as I think of them, and documenting thoughts in a journal, before making a final choice.  While mulling over an idea for a couple of days, an important variable will often arise that easily determines the outcome for me.  It's like a subtle, 'did you consider this?'  And I will know right then and there whether it's road 1 or 2 that I'm taking.  Road 3 seems to be a loop around that brings you back to the same intersection later on.  It allows some soul searching, some road tripping, and a few pit stops to get your bearings and reassess your current location/situation.  

Maybe you have to let some time pass before you become close with that special someone.  Perhaps you're waiting for them to work something out on their end.  

You may need to save some money up, or line up your budget differently first.  

Maybe you feel overwhelmed and need to put a decision on the back burner until you feel more centered.  

Decision making at the Scoop Deck

What would you choose?  I go with something different every visit

Whatever it may be, we all have reasons to take road 3 at certain crossroads.  As I spoke of in the Road 2 section...be confident and content with your choice to wait on the decision.  It's not a 'non-decision'...it's a decision to wait, and lock in to something when you are totally ready to do so.  With the quick pace of our lives, I'm often telling Matilda, 'let's go, make a decision quickly!'  But I try to catch myself...thinking wait...she can have all the time she wants to make a decision (within reason)!  I believe it will strengthen the ground she stands on, and empower her ability to make wise and timely decisions for the rest of her life.  



Be aware of your surroundings when you come to a crossroads.  Simply pay attention to your emotions and the physical changes taking place.  Take a breath before accelerating down the next road.  Remember, each and every even small decision will set your life onto a different path...possibly a different plane.  So choose wisely!  I wish you the best in your decision making!

The sun is on me...and it feels good.  

Music:  Kaleo is a band that started in Iceland.  That might contribute to their unique sound.  I often forget about them for a while, and then hear them on the radio.  The sound is always intriguing...and since I don't own any of their music, I always go home and put on some of their live stuff.  Matilda and I caught them live at the Newburyport Riverfront Music Festival last year.  They rock!  Give this song a listen!

you snooze you lose

'good morning to you, fair and gracious daughter' - Shakespeare

The morning is a part of the day when we're usually following routines and habits that have been ingrained over a long period of time.  When this occurs, we can easily just breeze through tasks, attempting to get up and go quickly.  The significance of time and place can go unrecognized, and we can set ourselves on a course that reflects that lack of investment.  I think often about 'investing' in ourselves as individuals.  It can be within our diet or health, experiences we have, or simply by reading.  The beginning of the day though, is such a fitting time to invest, as we can set ourselves off on a path filled with great returns. 

At the 2014 University of Texas at Austin commencement speech, Admiral William H. McRaven advised students to make their bed upon waking, and to do it well.  You can be proud of completing this simple task, and it can be a reflection of the work you do further on throughout your day.  Click here for the speech.  The make your bed advice starts at about 4:40.

I usually can't make my bed right after waking...because Matilda and my dog Jackson are still sleeping there.  But I do appreciate the idea, and I come back a little later in the morning to complete this.  It also reveals to me that we are all very different in how we do things at home...so there isn't a 'one size fits all' approach to mornings.  Some enjoy coffee while others take tea.  We can all find our own habits that lead us to a successful day, and employ them upon waking.  

Here are some ideas that have been working for me:

You Snooze You Lose - I've battle with the snooze button for years, and whenever I press it, I feel guilty, like I'm losing, and that I'm not supposed to be doing it.  Instead of

She's totally snoozing!

smashing that snooze, I turn the alarm off and take a deep, cleansing, mindful breath.  It's like a soft signal to the rest of my body that I'm going to get up now.  I also feel and think about appreciation during that breath.  I might be considering how fortunate I am to get another day, or cherishing the fact that Matilda and I will somehow grow today, or simply smiling and coveting the first moment that is only mine...this breath is all happiness, all love.  Part of my ability to find this happiness, is the fact that I really love my mornings now.  So I'm looking forward to getting downstairs and starting with my day.  It used to be grumpiness and negativity and why so early and 10 more minutes.  It took some searching and practice to get to where I am now, but I'm actually surprised at how making a few small changes has led to such an awesome awakening.

Early Bird Gets the Worm - Wake up earlier.  It's that simple.  This is somewhat related to not smashing the snoozer button, but it's also about just setting an earlier wake time goal.  Sleeping a little bit longer and then waking up to rush through tasks mindlessly, leaves you feeling chaotic...and success within whatever you do will be fleeting.  It's similar to driving fast.  You're more stressed, under more pressure, and not being mindful of all of your moves.  I'm currently waking at 4:45am, and I'm working toward 4:30am.  For a while, I would sleep as long as I possible could, and hope that Matilda would also sleep late...waking when she would get up.  But I found that I could rise early, and have about an hour to just invest in myself.  I can't stress enough how beneficial this has been.  Waking up early, and feeling that you're up before most others can give you a sense of accomplishment, regardless of what you actually accomplish.  You're already ahead!

The Elixir of Life - Before you go straight to the coffee pot, hydrate yourself a little.  You're body has gone without food or water since bedtime.  Don't immediately take in coffee, which is a diuretic. Gulp down a half glass of water or so.  Similar to the deep breath I take upon waking, I like to think of this bit of water as another signal to my body to start up again...also as a lubricant to all of the systems in the body...or a swell to the river that delivers nutrients throughout.  Then I go to the coffee.  I make and set up my coffee maker the night before, and have it brew at the same time as my alarm clock will go off.  That way, it's one more sound to help wake me, and I can actually smell the coffee from my bedroom...which is just the best!   Sometimes between the water and coffee, I take a shot of what I call the Elixir of Life.  A tumbler glass is best for this.  Squeeze the juice from half of an organic lemon in.  Add a spoon full of honey (from your zip code is best).  Then add cinnamon.  This drink has many benefits.  I'm not sure what any of those benefits are, other than the fact that it is 'invigorating'.  By the way, when did you last do something that was truly invigorating? 

Breathe - Find some sort of mindfulness or meditation practice that works best for you.  I have a large window that faces east...and that faces a large corn field, allowing me to take in a far off horizon.  It feels great to sit on the floor near this window, with the sun on my face.  Depending on the time of year, and when I actually decide to sit, I can be present during a sunrise.  It feels like the sun strengthens me for the day.  I haven't done the research on this either, but I know some that struggle with depression can be prescribed more sun.  I think it raises levels of serotonin.  Whatever it does, it feels good.  I spend 10-15 minutes just focusing on my breath here.  I have two analogies for meditation.  One, is that it is like doing a cleanse for the mind.  It removes cancerous deposits, distractions, junk, filler, useless stuff, and allows all systems to function in harmony.  My other analogy is more techy.  Meditation is like a disc clean up and defragmentation of the mind.  That works right?  

Lead and Paper - Write in a journal.  There are many methods for this that can be helpful.  I've been simply writing the date and then a few sentences about how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking about.  I also use it to wish happiness on someone else for the day (See my previous post here for more on this).  You never know...you might be the one I'm wishing for!  Then I write down 2 or 3 things I want to get done or focus on that day.  I took this from Leo Babauta.  He calls them M.I.T's, or Most Important Tasks.  By tying these to goals that you have, you'll make sure to complete objectives along your journey.  Use a real pencil.  Find some extraordinary stationary (can those two words go together?).  And just write.

Move - Run, do yoga, pushups and situps, cleans and presses, handstands, ride your bike.  Find something fun that get's your juices flowing. When training or exercising in the early morning, a great motivating factor is the feeling that you've completed a workout and showered before anyone is even awake.  Do it!

Cold - I've taken hot hot showers for almost all of my life.  From time to time, I would cool it off at the end just a bit.  This winter though, I came to love COLD showers.  I don't mean a little cool.  I call it 9 o'clocking because my shower control is at it's absolute coldest when it's in the 9 o'clock position.  If you haven't tried this...you have to.  Shower as you would regularly, but about halfway through shift your faucet to about half cold - half hot.  This will feel pretty cold.  But that's nothing.  When you're all rinsed of soap and conditioner, turn your faucet to the absolute coldest setting.  Just commit to it.  You'll thank me later.  Put your head directly under the water and start there.  Once your head is almost frozen, make sure your entire body gets sprayed with the icy stuff.  No joke, the first time I tried this, I laughed out loud uncontrollably.  After doing this?  You'll feel like a beast, and that there is nothing you can't do that day.  And...it will be the second invigorating thing you'll have done before other's have started their day!  

Try some of these and comment on your experience below!  And by the way, thanks so much for reading this far!


Music:  The band Amber Run put their instruments down for this great collaboration with the London Contemporary Voices choral group.  It's majestic.  Click here for it!

Please subscribe and use the 'follow by email' below if you like what you read.