school ties

'every child is an artist.  the problem is how to remain an artist once [they] grow up'  - Picasso

*two books related to this topic...and that I highly recommend reading are The Global Achievement Gap by Wagner, and Home Grown: adventures in parenting off the beaten path, unschooling, and reconnecting with the natural world by Hewitt.

Also, check out this blog on Unschooling by Leo Babauta

As Matilda grows closer to school aged, I find myself thinking about her education more and more.  She's 4 years old now, and won't be old enough for kindergarten until the Fall of 2018.  So there is some time...but none like the present to consider options.  I honestly haven't made any conclusions about how I feel in regards to kindergarten and school yet.  But I have read a bunch, spoke to some others about it, and think on it often.  Hopefully, writing on the topic will allow me to explore it more deeply, and help define what I truly believe in.  



step back
While you may think I'm speaking of a Steph Curry 'step back' 3 pointer, I'm talking more about what I believe all of us 'citizens' need to practice before thinking about education.  It's a term that I'll use to describe a pausing, stepping out of the box, and the employment of a wide and general perspective.  You see, I never questioned school really.  I'm not sure my parents did either.  Maybe your parents didn't.  It's just been accepted over time that school is where you go starting at age 5 and ending at age 18.  It's what everyone does.  We've done it for a long time, and now you're going to do it.  But what does that allow our children?  What does it provide them?  How does it challenge them?  How is it tailored for them?  What will it prepare them for?  And how will we determine their success within this institution?  

It is pretty obvious to me that a student that attends 180 days of school (let's say a first grader), will know more facts and things than a child that doesn't go to school for that 180 days.  The schooled student will test better, follow rules quicker, and be better prepared to take in the 2nd grade curriculum.  They will be 'ahead of the curve' compared to the unschooled child.  'Stepping back' though...is saying 'who cares' to all of that.  It's saying, standardized tests are not what define my child.  It's recognizing that rules can be bent in life outside of school...there is always a loophole...and questioning everything is very beneficial.  It's submitting to the rat race of parent's claiming high percentiles of where their child sits, admitting that the curve that we're all trying to get ahead of is a slippery slope that doesn't matter as much as we're drilled to believe.  Stepping back is believing that it's ok that my child doesn't ride a bike as well as other 4 year olds.  It's ok if my child's reading level isn't where the common core says it should be.  I understand it's difficult to be ok with that, especially considering societal pressure.  But...we don't need to constantly compare each to another...and rank accordingly.  We all contain multitudes.  These microcosms and measurements are small pieces of our entire selves.  


math/statistics
6 hours per school day (approx) multiplied by 180 school days = 1080 hours per school year.  

12 school years + kindergarten = 13 school years.

13 school years x 1080 hours = 14,040 hours of total schooling through completion.

Is it too much?  Is it enough?  Are the hours used most effectively?

The average American 15 year old spends about 5 hours per week doing homework...and since students with a more advantaged socio-economic status tend to do more homework than less fortunate students, 'homework helps perpetuate existing inequalities in education', says the PISA (Programme for International Student Assessment) researchers. 

According to the Pew Research Center, the United States ranks '38th out of 71 countries in math...24th in science...24th in reading'.  

While there have been some very small gains since the 1990's, standardized test scores in the US have gone down since 2013.  

How are our schools failing us?  How are they preparing our children for the unpredictable, ever changing future?  Do test scores matter?  Do world rankings matter?  How are our children allowed to fail, and encouraged to try again...a different way? 

This TED talk is one of the most watched ever.  It asks the question, 'do schools kill creativity'?  And I highly recommend it! ...the video...not killing creativity.

How kind is kindergarten?

Recent NH news has described how full day kindergarten will finally be funded here, as it passed through the NH legislature.  

Having discussions with many parents about this, I've heard a common thread...and that is that the schedule of full-day kindergarten will allow parents to send their kids away without having to pick up or drop off midday.  So basically, it's the logistics that people are most happy about.  This is just what I've heard the most...not the entire story.  

I've also heard a bit of 'my child will be more ready for 1st grade, which will then lead to future success'.  This argument is somewhat obvious to me again...but another area in which I use the step back approach.  Of course, any student that goes through the routine of a full day school schedule will be ahead of one that doesn't.  They will test better, follow rules quicker, possess a deeper understanding of how a school day functions, sit at a higher reading and math level, etc. etc. However, the 'leading to future success' part has been proven wrong.  The intellectual and social/emotional gains from kindergarten are found up to a 3rd or 4th grade level.  After that they drop off.  So if we step back and consider what the real pros and cons of full day kindergarten are, there is more of a story that I need to be told.  Some questions I have about it are:

How much 'free play time' will children have?  What is the curriculum, and where I can I find it?  What arts will be part of the school day?  Is funding this thing with Keno (a lottery game that I believe is currently illegal in NH) a wise decision...sustainable...respectable?  It feels...icky.  

I don't believe anymore in sedentary, sitting in the desk, receiving curriculum from the teacher, following structure and rules, no risk involved, being told how to think and learn.  I know this isn't every school and every teacher.  There are so many good ones out there...and they make a difference.  But the structure/institution seems to be broken...or lacking...and not providing the best possible return on investment.   

Take a look at this kindergarten in Tokyo, and look how different it looks from something our children will receive.  It's experiential, creates wonder, involves risk, allows bending of rules, includes inherent challenges (physical and emotional).  

what now?

I was a teacher once.  I didn't leave because I 'disagreed' with school.  I had surely lost the passion I once had though, and was feeling totally burnt out, lacking resources, lacking technology, looking at a pay cut the following year, wondering how to best provide for my young daughter in the years to come, and trying to run a small business on the side.  It was a multitude of variables pulling me away.  

I was a student once too.  I remember some good moments in elementary and middle school.  I had some fun, and made some great connections with people.  School felt easy to me.  I got good grades, and I had good manners.  On the other hand, I remember often staring off out a window, or at a wall.  Not an inspired and dream-filled daydream.  It was always filled with the thought, 'when will this be over?'  I remember feeling insecure, especially as I got older and entered high school, not fitting in, not knowing where to sit, how to get along.  Things became much harder for me then.  I failed.  I quit.  Fortunately, I went right back and finished.  But high school is a sad memory for me, and very negative.   I envy others when I hear they loved high school so much.  I'm happy for them, but that is foreign to me.  

I've recently became infatuated with this idea of Unschooling.  It's not homeschooling, with a curriculum and standards.  It's simply not going to school...and allowing the parent and child the decision on what to learn, when, and how they want to...ultimate freedom.  It sounds scary at first...and those thoughts of meeting grade level standards, keeping up with the Jones', and how will my kid be successful with that? start to creep in.  But if we step back, we can accept that those worries don't truly hold weight.  They don't define us as individuals when we leave school anyway....and the same questions can be asked of a schooler...with similar validity.  There are so many other meaningful experiences that can be had within 14,040 hours, that may lead to more influential lessons learned.  

Take a look at this talk by an unschooler.  He brings up some intriguing ideas, and it's refreshing to hear his perspective.  



Music:  This song is beautiful...and speaks about when a girl just has a way about her.

  

yes no maybe so

'your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision' 

-Tony Robbins

When the details on the surface are wiped
away...what is left

There are times in our life when we have to make a decision.  We find ourselves standing at a crossroads with options in front of us.  A typical crossroads would determine that we would have three options or choices.  Picture driving up to an actual intersection of roads. It's best to think of west.  The desert, tumbleweed, cacti, cactuses?  Both are accepted.  This setting just feels more serene and secluded.  And it's just cool. No one is there to witness your decision.  It is just you and this place and the road you choose.  You can take a left, go straight, or take a right...3 choices.  Maybe a good way to use this analogy would be to match up each choice of road with an answer to the question, 'should I do this?'  Of course 'this' can fit whatever situation you may have in your life.  With 3 choices of roads, road 1 is YES!  Road 2 is NO!  Road 3 is OTHER or MAYBE SO.

Road 1

She could make a new road with this!

I think whenever we are asking ourselves 'should I do this', it's usually because we already have a hunch that we want to do it.  'Go with your gut', 'follow your instincts', 'lead with your heart', are all phrases that tell us we already know the answer.  Yes is the answer.  We know what we'd like to do, and deep down we know what we desire.  However, before we commit ourselves to road 1, we are faced with obstacles like fear and insecurity that will ostensibly reveal that this decision was a bad choice.  That's terrible and very sad.  I think everyone needs more of road 1 in their life.  Be more of a 'yes man', and stop turning everything down.  Embrace change and moving forward.  Covet growth and the learning process, especially when you find yourself on the edge of comfort.  Many of us talk about our passions and what we truly want to be doing.  We describe it to others.  We visualize it in vivid detail.  We think about how it will all play out in the future.  But then we don't act.  This is why some psychologists have found that we shouldn't actually talk about our goals.  By speaking about them, and receiving feedback from others, we actually feel a sense of accomplishment and we lose the passion, the edge, the motivation we once had.  This has happened to me many times.  It's hard because we want to share our passion with others.  We want to bounce ideas.  Maybe we should just share the tip of the iceberg...or bounce one small ball to someone.  Don't spill it before acting on it.  When is the best time to start acting on your passions?  Right now.  Immediately.  The clock is ticking.  

'Do what you want' sounds negative and detached but if I teach and use effective language, I can help Matilda hold onto 'acting on her desires'.  It's really the same thing.  When we're young, it's natural for us.  But much like creativity, we tend to lose it along the road

Road 2
Being a 'yes man' and taking road 1 on your decisions can bring you places you never dreamed of.  However, there are often times when we have to say 'no'.  Maybe you're just done spending time with a certain person...maybe your schedule is full...maybe you're just wiped out from being the challenges of parenting.  All these are totally justifiable.  I've learned that 'no' doesn't have to be negative.  If we communicate to others our feelings and/or reasons along with our 'no', we should be comfortable and content in our position to turn something down.  Withing my business, I now notice myself saying 'no' more often.  I always try to say 'yes' and take road 1 when people have requests.  But for a variety of reasons, sometimes I turn things down.  In the past, I felt guilty or insecure about this.  But that doesn't hold any weight.  I tell myself that if I can't commit wholeheartedly to this decision, it won't work out for either party.  Therefore, taking Road 2 can be understood as the best decision for all involved.  Road 2 shouldn't be as worn and trodden as road 1, but don't be afraid to lay new tracks when warranted.    

'I'm not ready to be done Dad.  I don't want to leave yet' is a phrase that I cherish and honor when I can.
She's taking Road 2, and saying 'no' to being done with something.

Road 3
Sometimes we can't commit to a yes or no right now.  We aren't ready to.  I actually use road 3 often.  I'm not so great at deciding on things right away.  I like to ruminate on the idea for a while...sleep on it in a sense.  I have come to realize that spontaneity is powerful and rewarding, and have started implementing that more in my day to day.  However, on some big decisions, I still hold value in deliberate consideration, weighing pros and cons over time and as I think of them, and documenting thoughts in a journal, before making a final choice.  While mulling over an idea for a couple of days, an important variable will often arise that easily determines the outcome for me.  It's like a subtle, 'did you consider this?'  And I will know right then and there whether it's road 1 or 2 that I'm taking.  Road 3 seems to be a loop around that brings you back to the same intersection later on.  It allows some soul searching, some road tripping, and a few pit stops to get your bearings and reassess your current location/situation.  

Maybe you have to let some time pass before you become close with that special someone.  Perhaps you're waiting for them to work something out on their end.  

You may need to save some money up, or line up your budget differently first.  

Maybe you feel overwhelmed and need to put a decision on the back burner until you feel more centered.  

Decision making at the Scoop Deck

What would you choose?  I go with something different every visit

Whatever it may be, we all have reasons to take road 3 at certain crossroads.  As I spoke of in the Road 2 section...be confident and content with your choice to wait on the decision.  It's not a 'non-decision'...it's a decision to wait, and lock in to something when you are totally ready to do so.  With the quick pace of our lives, I'm often telling Matilda, 'let's go, make a decision quickly!'  But I try to catch myself...thinking wait...she can have all the time she wants to make a decision (within reason)!  I believe it will strengthen the ground she stands on, and empower her ability to make wise and timely decisions for the rest of her life.  



Be aware of your surroundings when you come to a crossroads.  Simply pay attention to your emotions and the physical changes taking place.  Take a breath before accelerating down the next road.  Remember, each and every even small decision will set your life onto a different path...possibly a different plane.  So choose wisely!  I wish you the best in your decision making!

The sun is on me...and it feels good.  

Music:  Kaleo is a band that started in Iceland.  That might contribute to their unique sound.  I often forget about them for a while, and then hear them on the radio.  The sound is always intriguing...and since I don't own any of their music, I always go home and put on some of their live stuff.  Matilda and I caught them live at the Newburyport Riverfront Music Festival last year.  They rock!  Give this song a listen!

always be closing

A.B.C.

I must admit it...my house is a mess!  And...I just cleaned up that area.  How does it already look like a storm hit it?  

I have to confess...I've started a thousand projects around here, and about 999 of them still seem 'under construction'.  

I should accept it.  I have a problem.  Actually many, but I'll start with this one and see if I can find closure with it.

I peg myself as really good at coming up with ideas.  I have journals and sheets and post it notes collected with a bunch of random ideas.  These can be related to business, the house, relationships, professional development, investments, blah blah blah.  Most of my ideas are bad.  However, I believe that while coming up with many poor ideas...and documenting them...I'm bound to come up with a good one here and there.  It's almost like I come up with 99 bad ideas for every one diamond in the rough.  It's a low shooting percentage but hey, if you don't shoot you can't score.  

Matilda comes up with the best ideas

I do feel strongly about documenting by the way.  If you don't put your thoughts and ideas and goals down on paper, or somewhere digitally, they'll just float around in your head, and possible float out of your head for good.  Once you put them somewhere, you can make space in your head for developing that idea or adding interest to it...or coming up with another one.  Find yourself a cool journal, even a good expensive one.  It's investing in your own brain/goals/ideas.  And it will encourage you to put good use to it, and hold value in your own beliefs.  

Closing the deal

So I'm good with all that stuff.  My interests are many.  I'm quick to jump into things and just try something.  I love learning anything new.  However...I'm not good with following the practice of the phrase, 'Always Be Closing'.  This phrase is from the 1992 drama film called Glengarry Glen Ross, in which the character played by Alec Baldwin encourages some of the other characters to close deals within their sales work.  Watch out for bad language, but here is a great clip from the movie.  Look...it's a very shallow message in regards to simply making more money above all else, and disregarding things like being a good dad, or being kind.  However, it struck a chord with me in how it can relate to the idea of completing something.  And this is what I have trouble with.  As I said, I can start a bunch of projects.  But I never seem to finish many of them.  

Finishing touches

This weekend, I had a task that I wanted to complete.  The ramps in my landscape trailer have to be lifted in and mounted to the inside walls for transportation.  Well, I've always had this crap system of a cheap eye-hook and bungee chords to hold them in place.  Boring I know...bear with me.  This system has bothered me for about 5 years.  I can't believe that!  I've spoken about it, wrote down ideas, sworn at it many times...but never really done anything about it.  Well on Saturday night and into Sunday morning, I came up with a plan, went to the hardware store for materials, and put in a new ramp mounting system.  It was actually pretty easy!  On Sunday, I found myself putting all of my tools back in their proper place, sweeping up the garage floor of all debris, and wiping down my workbench with a cleaner and paper towels.  I suddenly thought, 'Oh my...I've actually completed something, and I'm in the very final stage of cleaning up the mess associated with it.  I never do this!'  I'm telling you...it felt so good.   I immediately thought about 'Always Be Closing', and the benefits related to that.  I thought about Casey Neistat, and how he has those words tattooed on his arm.  He actually dedicated an entire Vlog to this idea.  Watch it here! 

Harvesting is 'closing'

Neistat says that if you start a bunch of things and don't finish them, you're a loser.  That's me...how sad.  Someone who starts something and always finishes it is a closer.  That's not me.  My new focus is to become more of a closer.  I must bring my ideas to fruition...see them through to their fullest potential.  I'm on it.  By closing, and completing something, we are able to reap the rewards related to our project.  After dealing with annoyance of the ramp system in my trailer for 5 years, and halfheartedly poking at it here and there with temporary repairs, no wonder I felt so good about putting smart and hard work to it and having it completed.  



Closing leads to you feeling much more productive.  
Closing frees up space in your head for other, more important ideas. 
Closing encourages intellect and hard work over complaining and hoping.
Closing leads to more appreciation instead of expectation.  
Don't be a loser...be a closer!

We completed another dance season...and this is me as a proud Dad!

Organization

A.B.C. totally relates to keeping our lives organized too.  This is an area that I struggle with, and one that I'll be putting some more focus into.  When you come home...with a bunch of things in your hands...maybe a bag or two...and pockets full of receipts and change and hair clips (for some reason, I always find myself here)...do you put everything away in it's designated spot?  What I usually do is pile it onto my dining room table.  It's flat, easy to access, and I won't need the table until about 5:30pm.  That's not closing.  That's losing!  The worst is when I've put together a nice dinner and I go to bring plates to the table for Matilda and I, to find my loser pile in the way.  Worst!

I do have all of the designated places for things.  I have a file cabinet with nicely labeled folders, a piggy bank in the living room, a cup in the bathroom for Matilda's hair clips.  I just don't follow that step of putting things directly into their proper place.  And this is key.  If you hired someone to come 'organize your house' or your life, a main thread would be to immediately place things into their position.  Put them in their home.  Look at your computer desk, your kitchen counters, the desktop on your computer...even your email inbox.  Are you organized?  I've started trying to get to a totally empty email inbox as often as possible.  This entails creating simple folders, unsubscribing from all of the crap, deleting as soon as possible, and once a day, taking care of pertinent messages.  It relieves so much stress for me to have a clean slate.  But I need to work on the more 'physical' areas of my life...and organize those.  I want to finish more projects on my to do list...not just start them.  I don't want to be a loser anymore...I want to be a closer!  Please comment if you've found effective ways of 'closing' in your own life.   

Thoughts are great...but action leads to closing!

Music:  Blind Pilot is an Oregon based band.  They use interesting instruments like a mountain dulcimer, vibraphone, and a harmonium.  Here's a great one called New York.



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i'm no different than you

'just my thoughts man - right or wrong...just what I was feeling at the time' - Jay Z

I am no different than you

We cannot really judge one another, or blame one another for our thoughts and opinions.  It is honestly best to forgive someone for ideas you disagree with.  Best to appreciate their perspective.  Taking this approach broadens your own perspective, and allows you to employ a broader scope...a wider lens.

I once heard a line related to this, and it's surfaced often when thinking about others...and our differences.  It basically says that 'you would do exactly what any other  person does...behave in the same exact manner...had you been born to their parents, in the place they were raised, and brought up the same way'.  I'm not sure where I heard this.  Maybe it just came to me.  Actually, I'll just go ahead and claim it as mine right now!  However simple it may be, it has provided me with a moral integrity in which I believe we're all on the same level playing field.  

Here is a healthy practice for you to try:  think of a child living in a very different situation and place than what you have...preferably a child in a different culture, different socio-economic situation...something almost 'opposite' of you.  Then consider the fact that this child could have been you!  What if you were born there?  Had to walk in those shoes?  In that climate?  This consideration has helped me develop a better understanding of others, and has led to less judgement.  It's allowed me to listen more effectively.  It's let me submit to others, and forgive, and appreciate.

This can sound like a weak position.  Always submitting to others, and forgiving when people hurt me, or bring adversity to my life?  Won't that just lead to people steam rolling over me and using me as a doormat?  No.  Believe it or not, giving up control and judgement has given me a stronger sense of who I am.  Instead of wasting so much energy on trying to control others, and situations, to no avail...I maintain a positive mindset, and often frame a response in my mind with the phrase 'Is that so?'  This provides a position where almost nothing can knock me off course, regardless of the strength of the tides.  I acknowledge the potential storm.  I maintain the secure and reliable mast, and calmly set the main sail.  Then I begin wayfinding through the tempest.  I feel like Maui...with Moana at my side!  

'I am Moanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!'

I once feared different ideas and opinions, opposite of my own.  I was once intimidated by others who stood for values other than mine.  This fear is what I believe to be one of the obstacles between groups not seeing eye to eye.  And considering how many of us often fear the unknown, it may not even be a conscious wall we're constructing within our minds.  A natural cascading and compounding of negative or fear-filled thoughts can build, without us being aware.  It's as if within our typical day, during our tasks, we mindlessly grab a brick and place it on an arbitrary line.  When the day is done, we've put up a faulty facade...a sloppy screen between ourselves and others.  It gives you a false sense of security, and you may be proud of where you stand and what you've built.  But the wall was constructed on careless judgement, weak mortar mix, an uneven foundation...not deliberate decisions, mindful masonry, on a level, compacted cornerstone.   

I've already blogged some about being aware of our own thoughts, and the benefits of thinking positive.  Here is a post related to that.  This awareness will help to clean up your rubble if you have some, and strengthen your position and security without the need of a wall.  What's the best way to find that awareness?  Start meditating.  And start being mindful of your thoughts and reactions to different subjects.  It takes practice like anything else.  But with a little training, you'll find yourself on a journey filled with happiness and contentment.  Your shoulder may soften with the chip removed, allowing others a better landing to lean on.  

One final thought that I think of often is 'how do i make other people feel?'  At the end of our short time in this place, this question may be central to how successful our time was actually invested.  This is of course difficult to know, as we can't totally understand how others feel about us.  And it's less about what others 'think' of us...more about the kindness, support, generosity, and acceptance that we provide...hopefully leading to a comfort and security felt by the people around us.  I believe a good, healthy self check-in is to ask yourself 'how am I making other people feel?'

You feel me?



Music:  Here is an oldie but a goodie from The Lumineers.  The band leader's wife told him he was like the Dead Sea...that she'll never sink when he's with her...and he wrote a song including this sentiment.  How romantic. 

gamble on a school night

'a ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for'  - William Shedd

Spontaneity.  It was 1998.  I was a senior in high school, and it was a school night.  I was sleeping over my friends house though, and two other guys were staying over too.  My host-friend suggests that because his mom is asleep (must have been 9 or 10pm), we should take her car and drive to Foxwoods Casino.  We can have the car back before she wakes up, and even make it to school first thing in morning.  

I was never spontaneous.  I'd say I was nervous, shy, scared of the unknown, and therefore calculated and somewhat structured in my ways.  When this journey to Connecticut from Concord, NH was brought up, I probably started asking, 'well ok, how long does it take to get there?  Do we all have enough money?  How old do you have to be to enter a Casino...to gamble?  What classes do we have in the morning, and what time do we have to be back...exactly?  And that means we'll have to leave Foxwoods to return at blah blah blah.  I can see my friend smirking now...and telling me that none of that matters.  We're just going.  

Somehow we actually did make it to Foxwoods and started gambling.  When we were huddled around my friend at one of the tables as he was doing well, we noticed security guards in nice suits approaching.  They split us up and asked us questions.  Mostly about our age or birthdates.   Then they told my friend to cash out on his winnings, and told us all to get lost.  We got home in time to quietly push the car back into my friend's garage, and sneak into his room as though we'd been there all night.  His mom had to know.  But she never showed it.  We went to school on maybe a half hour of sleep.  But the stories and excitement were enough to make that next day, one of the best days of my high school career.  Today, as I did that day, I can reflect on the awesome feelings of freedom, bravery, risk, adrenaline, and a sense of brotherly love that this experience created for me.  

I wish I figured out then that spontaneity was special.  It was part of that experience.  It was central to it, and key to the everlasting memory it solidified within me.  I wasn't at all self-aware then though.  I probably couldn't pronounce spontaneity.  And even though I was easily influenced by others and did have fun doing crazy things in the following years, I never embraced the idea of improvising in my life.  I needed a script. 

A couple of weeks ago, I quickly grabbed a couple of snacks, some wipes, my new cheap and obnoxious mirror lens sunglasses, and Matilda, and hopped in the car without knowing where we were going.  I know...you probably do this like every weekend.  But I couldn't think back to when I had last done it.  Kind of made me sad.  Anyway, I still live in Concord, NH.  And what I love about my geographic location is that all within about one hour away...I can drive North to the White mountains, east to the ocean, or south to the city of Boston.  All great options.  Matilda asked where we were going.  'I don't know Til...we're just going on an adventure...and we get to choose where we go.'  I told her that I was now leaning toward Portsmouth over on the coast, but then I remembered those fun books I used to read and I told her this is called 'choose your own adventure...and you get to choose!'  She said she didn't really want to go to Portsmouth, and wanted to go to Mother and Child, a pretty hip consignment shop in Amherst that her mom had brought her to.  So that was it!  We found a cool dress for her, played hide and seek in all the clothes, and upset one of the old employees who thought we were being too loud.  It wasn't Foxwoods.  It was incredibly fun though.  Matilda was able to choose it.  And that morning, I never would have guessed that this experience would have been in my future.  

Don't try this at home

I noticed a huge change within myself after having a child.  Matilda has helped me learn so many great things...one of them being the ability to 'embrace spontaneity'.  Children often live in the moment.  Not reflecting on previous behaviors.  Not planning out the steps to our future.  Simply enjoying this moment.  They make quick, thoughtless decisions based on passion, desire, love.  They often don't know the consequences of making the wrong choice, choosing the wrong person, wearing the miscalculated dress, or chomping on Nerds candy instead of an organic apple.  

Don't let fear get in the way of being spontaneous.  Embrace the risk involved.  Acknowledge an uncomfortable feeling, but let yourself be ok there...and remember how much you can learn there.  About yourself and others.  Go on more 'choose your own adventures', let your kid choose their own outfit and then splash in the puddles, jump on the bed with them, and eat lots more Nerds.    

Could be my favorite pic of all time

music:  One of the best guitar players in the world.  Prolific writer.  Pop, electric, or acoustic. Every album is good...including his new 'The Search for Everything'.  John Mayer.   Click here and check this out! 

grow up

'life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones courage'  - Anais Nin

As the perennials start poking through the soil, and colorful birds return from a warmer place, we are re-introduced to the Spring season.  What a wonderful time of year to consider growth.  If there's one thing that makes me feel alive...it's growing.  And I'm thinking about two specific pieces of that:  learning and doing.  Much of how we grow is based on these two principals, and each are important in their own way.  

We are all constantly learning.  However, some of us are taking in much more than others.  One can learn by simply sitting and thinking.  Actually, one can learn by simply sitting and breathing.  Sometimes the thinking can get in way of learning.  On top of that, we as individuals get to choose what we learn.  What have you chosen?  

Over this past winter, I think I learned more than in any chunk of time in my life.  By using the internet and my library card, I feel that I've taken a 4 month intensive course on a huge variety of topics.  Because my business is landscaping, I have a lot of time off in the winter.  I use much of this time to study some things I'm interested in.  It's allowed me to spend a lot of time doing exactly what I want to do, and follow my passions by taking an extreme focus on my interests.  Although, I feel like a bit of a renaissance man in a sense, in that I have such a wide scope of things that intrigue me.  Years ago, it seemed like this was a hindrance in life...and that since I was interested in many different ideas, I'd lose focus on the few that I should follow.  Jack of all trades, master of none.  However, as time has gone on, a couple of threads have persisted and continue to be present in my life.  And on top of that, I feel really confident in casting webs in a bunch of other areas.  I don't want to miss out on something incredible because I didn't try it.  If I see something I like, I'm not afraid to dive right in.  I'm always motivated to learn about my passions and seek out information through any way possible. 

Actually, I prefer the most efficient way possible. Peter Theil (co-founder of PayPal) asks us to question our efficiency by saying, 'How can you achieve your 10 year plan in the next 6 months?'  I love this idea!  It's not that you can easily complete everything on your list that fast...but it forces you to question what the most efficient way is to your destination.  This can easily apply to things like travel, learning a musical instrument, starting a business, buying a house at the ocean, writing a book, etc.  You may have to reassess your current routines and structures in order to achieve these things.  But that can be a good thing!  In fact, I would say that 90% of us would benefit from some sort of radical change in our lives.  Are you willing to be 'radical' and take on that risk?  Think about a part of your life that is so routine...or monotonous.  Get out of it now!

Part of what makes it difficult is that we are trained to do what everyone else is doing.  We are taught to melt ourselves down to a common denominator in order to neatly fit the mold that society has created for us.  Once we are molded, we're put on a track.  Boys take a left, girls go right, black this way, white that way, gay over here, straight over there, religious down that ramp, agnostic up that ramp, college bound with that crew, others this way.  Last week I wrote about how we think (Click here for the post), and touched on how I've fallen into a 'normal' that just didn't feel good, but it seemed that everyone else was mostly doing the same.  Life is waaaaaay too short for that type of thinking.  We get such a small amount of time here.  Spend it learning about the things you love!

Now, the other important piece of this is...doing.  I was discussing this with a friend the other day, and he advised to not just get caught up in the learning portion of things.  You can't just keep watching and learning what others do.  You have to implement it into your own life!  If you've been meaning to start a blog but haven't, stop reading so many others, and just get to creating your own.  Want to start your own business, and you've been reading and researching and watching others succeed?  Scale your idea down and start the process this week!  Been wanting to learn Spanish for the past 5 years?  Spend 10 minutes tomorrow beginning the process and creating an outline for yourself.  Don't let anything seem daunting or intimidating.  Remember that once you decide on something...you'll just put one foot in front of the other, and things will naturally start falling into place.  In the words of Emerson, 'Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.' 

Here is a list how I've grown in the past couple of years...things I've learned about, or done.  Hopefully it will help inspire you to try something new!

• quit job
• started landscaping business
• kept bees - harvested honey
• learned guitar
• learned singing/voice
• learned how to keep chickens
• learned organic vegetable gardening - created garden site
• snowboarding - finally cleared a big jump in the terrain park (I've been scared to try)
• won a bunch of men's league basketball championships
• took up road bicycling - competed in race
• took down walls in house - reconfigured stairway
• started a blog
• started a basketball training business
• began meditating daily - practicing mindfulness
• learned a lot about parenting - still an amateur
• started writing a daily journal entry
• brought Matilda to Disney World

Now, along with doing a lot of these things...I failed a bunch a long the way.  My bank accounts have been extremely low at times. I've fallen and hurt myself a bunch on snowboard jumps (only to have teenagers laugh at me).  I've lost some basketball games, and found injuries there too.  In my first bike race, I was destroyed by most of the other riders.  I've been stung by my bees!  

It's not necessarily an easy road to follow the path that you've chosen, and that you've just learned.  In fact, it's probably more difficult.  I've found that in life...the right decision is the one that's more difficult.  The easy way is the regrettable way.  This is so true for everything from relationships to work.  So why choose the hard way?  Because it means you're living a more passionate lifestyle, which will build your health and happiness...and that of those around you. Because it's a life that you'll want to tell your kids about. Because it's different, and it's what probably about 1% of people do. Because it's fun!

If you need a couple 'doers' for inspiration...check out Tim Ferriss and/or Casey Neistat.  These guys get cool stuff done, and are very inspiring to listen to or watch.

What is your potential in all of the areas of life?  Are you learning about and doing the things you want to do?

I'm not living to my full potential in many areas.  However, I try to be fully aware of that...and work hard to close the gaps.  

I have a long list of things I want to try, places I want to go, and ways I want to grow.  And as I check one off, I notice a few more have been added to my list.  

Good luck with your list, and I wish you the best!  Share your experience here if you'd like.

Music: In lieu of the brothers in the band Dawes, that I recommended last week...another pair of brothers that know how to play are The Avett Brothers.  Check them out here!   

   

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3 ways to kill a bug

‘We learn best at the edge of comfort’

That bug that’s out there...the one that’s going around?  It somehow found it’s way into our house.  Maybe it crawled down the chimney.  Or perhaps around a window that was flashed incorrectly.

Symptoms (in order of appearance):  headache, sore throat, fever, chills, body aches, cough, wheezing, stuffy/runny nose, belly ache, throwing up.  These are what Matilda (my 4-year-old daughter) has been dealing with since last week.  On her second day in, I started in with the same symptoms.  Because it was so prevalent in our week, I figured I’d write about it, in hopes of tuning in to what’s going on.

In a way, I wish meteorologists and doctors would convene and create a radar...a doppler of sorts, in which we could see colds, flus, viruses, etc. approaching with real time data.  Severity of sickness could be articulated through saturation of color.  With luck, we could have Al Kaprilian warning us of an amplitudinal viral jet stream, approaching from the west.  We’d have time to check our medicine cabinets and make a vegetable soup.  Click HERE for a little fun with Al.

We all handle being under the weather a little differently.  I’ve been told by many females however, that men are total wimps when it comes to being sick.  At the first sign of a scratchy throat, men are all...can you get me the Nyquil babe...is that Tiger Balm still in there...can you rub it on my chest...and compresses and humidifiers and can you just take care of the kids for a while and thermometers and pseudoephedrine and if I just lay and watch this game I’ll probably get better sooner and tissues everywhere and annoying salt water gargling and snorting and clearing of throats that is all completely unnecessary.

My sister was telling me about a great line she noticed online stating that ‘during labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels when he has a fever.’

While I like to think that I go unphased when the bug comes around, and keep checking off items on the to-do list even when the coughs commence, I am more likely very affected by illness, and possibly play the part of a wimp.  I have found some ways to cope though, and I hope they help you!  Here are 3 ways to kill a bug:

1. Acknowledgment/Awareness - My mom used to say if you pretend you’re not sick, you won’t be.  While I believe in mind over matter in some instances (more on that in #2), this one hasn’t worked for me.  I’ve found though, that an initial lowering of expectations for myself is healthy.  I can’t just power through.  With age comes a better understanding of our own boundaries and limitations, the ability to say ‘no’ when needed, and a self-awareness that connects us to the ebb and flow present in all of the natural world.  There will always be suffering and prosperity...storms and sun...strep and a clean bill of health.  Too often, we live with a desire for a life free from suffering.  When we hit a wall or find a bug though (which will happen), we define it as a failure, or as ‘unsuccessful’, and discover negative emotions threaded there.  In that world, success...and everything desired...is fleeting.  Intangible.  I’ve found that an acknowledgment and acceptance of all the good and bad unlocks doors to rooms, all containing joy and happiness.  Mindfulness and meditation are probably the most effective keys for those locks.
2. Nip it in the bud - When I was teaching, I once had this hilarious student.  He pulled out a huge tomato in class and started eating it like an apple.  I thought he was putting on another show, and I asked ‘what are you doing?’  He said his mom told him that eating tomatoes at the start of a cold will stop it in its tracks.  She packed him 3 massive heirlooms for the day.  Just 3 tomatoes.  So while juice and seeds spewed across the classroom, he held the biggest tomato eating grin on his face...and he was fine!  It’s science.  Actually, I believe science has proven that zinc, taken at the onset, can shorten the common cold.  But you’ll have to look that up on the world wide interwebs.  This is where I believe in mind over matter though.  Whatever you do, do it early, and commit to believing in it, even if your significant other thinks you’re ridiculous.  Down your excessive amount of vitamin C.  Pop those echinacea pills.  Teachers...turn your Airborne tablets to fizz, and tap dance into your classroom.  This is simply a habit that you’ll form...a commitment to a routine that, in your mind, is helpful and productive.  You may even be able to convince others that your crazy concoction is the elixir of life.
3. TLC - If you listen to the song ‘Waterfalls’ by the group TLC during sickness, you will greatly… You didn’t honestly fall for that did you???  Please tell me you did.  It will make my day!  This one isn’t for your ‘self’...it’s for others.  TLC stands for tender loving care, for all you cold-hearted curmudgeons out there.  When someone around you isn’t feeling 100, take it down a notch, provide a softer shoulder, be careful (that’s ‘full of care’), be mindful, and generous.  It will come back to you in unforeseeable manifestations.  As a dad, one of the most fulfilling responsibilities for me has been taking care of Matilda when she’s needy.  I love being attentive and able to sooth and comfort when I can.  I feel very fortunate and grateful for that.  Having one child has allowed me to be more present.  Knowing my own abilities, I wouldn’t be as effective with more children.  I have a great appreciation and respect for you parents with multiple children.  When I feel overwhelmed, I sometimes think of some of you, and find inspiration there.  

When the bug gets in our houses...when we have what’s ‘going around’, we can learn much about ourselves and others.  We can find teachable moments for our children...with limits and boundaries...with pain and acceptance...with a tissue over a sleeve.  

A college professor once told me we learn best when at the edge of comfort, and that I should try to find contentment there...and sit there often. I can't thank that professor enough for this. That edge of comfort is a place where our needs are met, but where we are frequently challenged.

Let us all walk that edge carefully, holding the hands of our children, being deliberate and delicate with every step.

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