school ties

'every child is an artist.  the problem is how to remain an artist once [they] grow up'  - Picasso

*two books related to this topic...and that I highly recommend reading are The Global Achievement Gap by Wagner, and Home Grown: adventures in parenting off the beaten path, unschooling, and reconnecting with the natural world by Hewitt.

Also, check out this blog on Unschooling by Leo Babauta

As Matilda grows closer to school aged, I find myself thinking about her education more and more.  She's 4 years old now, and won't be old enough for kindergarten until the Fall of 2018.  So there is some time...but none like the present to consider options.  I honestly haven't made any conclusions about how I feel in regards to kindergarten and school yet.  But I have read a bunch, spoke to some others about it, and think on it often.  Hopefully, writing on the topic will allow me to explore it more deeply, and help define what I truly believe in.  



step back
While you may think I'm speaking of a Steph Curry 'step back' 3 pointer, I'm talking more about what I believe all of us 'citizens' need to practice before thinking about education.  It's a term that I'll use to describe a pausing, stepping out of the box, and the employment of a wide and general perspective.  You see, I never questioned school really.  I'm not sure my parents did either.  Maybe your parents didn't.  It's just been accepted over time that school is where you go starting at age 5 and ending at age 18.  It's what everyone does.  We've done it for a long time, and now you're going to do it.  But what does that allow our children?  What does it provide them?  How does it challenge them?  How is it tailored for them?  What will it prepare them for?  And how will we determine their success within this institution?  

It is pretty obvious to me that a student that attends 180 days of school (let's say a first grader), will know more facts and things than a child that doesn't go to school for that 180 days.  The schooled student will test better, follow rules quicker, and be better prepared to take in the 2nd grade curriculum.  They will be 'ahead of the curve' compared to the unschooled child.  'Stepping back' though...is saying 'who cares' to all of that.  It's saying, standardized tests are not what define my child.  It's recognizing that rules can be bent in life outside of school...there is always a loophole...and questioning everything is very beneficial.  It's submitting to the rat race of parent's claiming high percentiles of where their child sits, admitting that the curve that we're all trying to get ahead of is a slippery slope that doesn't matter as much as we're drilled to believe.  Stepping back is believing that it's ok that my child doesn't ride a bike as well as other 4 year olds.  It's ok if my child's reading level isn't where the common core says it should be.  I understand it's difficult to be ok with that, especially considering societal pressure.  But...we don't need to constantly compare each to another...and rank accordingly.  We all contain multitudes.  These microcosms and measurements are small pieces of our entire selves.  


math/statistics
6 hours per school day (approx) multiplied by 180 school days = 1080 hours per school year.  

12 school years + kindergarten = 13 school years.

13 school years x 1080 hours = 14,040 hours of total schooling through completion.

Is it too much?  Is it enough?  Are the hours used most effectively?

The average American 15 year old spends about 5 hours per week doing homework...and since students with a more advantaged socio-economic status tend to do more homework than less fortunate students, 'homework helps perpetuate existing inequalities in education', says the PISA (Programme for International Student Assessment) researchers. 

According to the Pew Research Center, the United States ranks '38th out of 71 countries in math...24th in science...24th in reading'.  

While there have been some very small gains since the 1990's, standardized test scores in the US have gone down since 2013.  

How are our schools failing us?  How are they preparing our children for the unpredictable, ever changing future?  Do test scores matter?  Do world rankings matter?  How are our children allowed to fail, and encouraged to try again...a different way? 

This TED talk is one of the most watched ever.  It asks the question, 'do schools kill creativity'?  And I highly recommend it! ...the video...not killing creativity.

How kind is kindergarten?

Recent NH news has described how full day kindergarten will finally be funded here, as it passed through the NH legislature.  

Having discussions with many parents about this, I've heard a common thread...and that is that the schedule of full-day kindergarten will allow parents to send their kids away without having to pick up or drop off midday.  So basically, it's the logistics that people are most happy about.  This is just what I've heard the most...not the entire story.  

I've also heard a bit of 'my child will be more ready for 1st grade, which will then lead to future success'.  This argument is somewhat obvious to me again...but another area in which I use the step back approach.  Of course, any student that goes through the routine of a full day school schedule will be ahead of one that doesn't.  They will test better, follow rules quicker, possess a deeper understanding of how a school day functions, sit at a higher reading and math level, etc. etc. However, the 'leading to future success' part has been proven wrong.  The intellectual and social/emotional gains from kindergarten are found up to a 3rd or 4th grade level.  After that they drop off.  So if we step back and consider what the real pros and cons of full day kindergarten are, there is more of a story that I need to be told.  Some questions I have about it are:

How much 'free play time' will children have?  What is the curriculum, and where I can I find it?  What arts will be part of the school day?  Is funding this thing with Keno (a lottery game that I believe is currently illegal in NH) a wise decision...sustainable...respectable?  It feels...icky.  

I don't believe anymore in sedentary, sitting in the desk, receiving curriculum from the teacher, following structure and rules, no risk involved, being told how to think and learn.  I know this isn't every school and every teacher.  There are so many good ones out there...and they make a difference.  But the structure/institution seems to be broken...or lacking...and not providing the best possible return on investment.   

Take a look at this kindergarten in Tokyo, and look how different it looks from something our children will receive.  It's experiential, creates wonder, involves risk, allows bending of rules, includes inherent challenges (physical and emotional).  

what now?

I was a teacher once.  I didn't leave because I 'disagreed' with school.  I had surely lost the passion I once had though, and was feeling totally burnt out, lacking resources, lacking technology, looking at a pay cut the following year, wondering how to best provide for my young daughter in the years to come, and trying to run a small business on the side.  It was a multitude of variables pulling me away.  

I was a student once too.  I remember some good moments in elementary and middle school.  I had some fun, and made some great connections with people.  School felt easy to me.  I got good grades, and I had good manners.  On the other hand, I remember often staring off out a window, or at a wall.  Not an inspired and dream-filled daydream.  It was always filled with the thought, 'when will this be over?'  I remember feeling insecure, especially as I got older and entered high school, not fitting in, not knowing where to sit, how to get along.  Things became much harder for me then.  I failed.  I quit.  Fortunately, I went right back and finished.  But high school is a sad memory for me, and very negative.   I envy others when I hear they loved high school so much.  I'm happy for them, but that is foreign to me.  

I've recently became infatuated with this idea of Unschooling.  It's not homeschooling, with a curriculum and standards.  It's simply not going to school...and allowing the parent and child the decision on what to learn, when, and how they want to...ultimate freedom.  It sounds scary at first...and those thoughts of meeting grade level standards, keeping up with the Jones', and how will my kid be successful with that? start to creep in.  But if we step back, we can accept that those worries don't truly hold weight.  They don't define us as individuals when we leave school anyway....and the same questions can be asked of a schooler...with similar validity.  There are so many other meaningful experiences that can be had within 14,040 hours, that may lead to more influential lessons learned.  

Take a look at this talk by an unschooler.  He brings up some intriguing ideas, and it's refreshing to hear his perspective.  



Music:  This song is beautiful...and speaks about when a girl just has a way about her.

  

i'm no different than you

'just my thoughts man - right or wrong...just what I was feeling at the time' - Jay Z

I am no different than you

We cannot really judge one another, or blame one another for our thoughts and opinions.  It is honestly best to forgive someone for ideas you disagree with.  Best to appreciate their perspective.  Taking this approach broadens your own perspective, and allows you to employ a broader scope...a wider lens.

I once heard a line related to this, and it's surfaced often when thinking about others...and our differences.  It basically says that 'you would do exactly what any other  person does...behave in the same exact manner...had you been born to their parents, in the place they were raised, and brought up the same way'.  I'm not sure where I heard this.  Maybe it just came to me.  Actually, I'll just go ahead and claim it as mine right now!  However simple it may be, it has provided me with a moral integrity in which I believe we're all on the same level playing field.  

Here is a healthy practice for you to try:  think of a child living in a very different situation and place than what you have...preferably a child in a different culture, different socio-economic situation...something almost 'opposite' of you.  Then consider the fact that this child could have been you!  What if you were born there?  Had to walk in those shoes?  In that climate?  This consideration has helped me develop a better understanding of others, and has led to less judgement.  It's allowed me to listen more effectively.  It's let me submit to others, and forgive, and appreciate.

This can sound like a weak position.  Always submitting to others, and forgiving when people hurt me, or bring adversity to my life?  Won't that just lead to people steam rolling over me and using me as a doormat?  No.  Believe it or not, giving up control and judgement has given me a stronger sense of who I am.  Instead of wasting so much energy on trying to control others, and situations, to no avail...I maintain a positive mindset, and often frame a response in my mind with the phrase 'Is that so?'  This provides a position where almost nothing can knock me off course, regardless of the strength of the tides.  I acknowledge the potential storm.  I maintain the secure and reliable mast, and calmly set the main sail.  Then I begin wayfinding through the tempest.  I feel like Maui...with Moana at my side!  

'I am Moanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!'

I once feared different ideas and opinions, opposite of my own.  I was once intimidated by others who stood for values other than mine.  This fear is what I believe to be one of the obstacles between groups not seeing eye to eye.  And considering how many of us often fear the unknown, it may not even be a conscious wall we're constructing within our minds.  A natural cascading and compounding of negative or fear-filled thoughts can build, without us being aware.  It's as if within our typical day, during our tasks, we mindlessly grab a brick and place it on an arbitrary line.  When the day is done, we've put up a faulty facade...a sloppy screen between ourselves and others.  It gives you a false sense of security, and you may be proud of where you stand and what you've built.  But the wall was constructed on careless judgement, weak mortar mix, an uneven foundation...not deliberate decisions, mindful masonry, on a level, compacted cornerstone.   

I've already blogged some about being aware of our own thoughts, and the benefits of thinking positive.  Here is a post related to that.  This awareness will help to clean up your rubble if you have some, and strengthen your position and security without the need of a wall.  What's the best way to find that awareness?  Start meditating.  And start being mindful of your thoughts and reactions to different subjects.  It takes practice like anything else.  But with a little training, you'll find yourself on a journey filled with happiness and contentment.  Your shoulder may soften with the chip removed, allowing others a better landing to lean on.  

One final thought that I think of often is 'how do i make other people feel?'  At the end of our short time in this place, this question may be central to how successful our time was actually invested.  This is of course difficult to know, as we can't totally understand how others feel about us.  And it's less about what others 'think' of us...more about the kindness, support, generosity, and acceptance that we provide...hopefully leading to a comfort and security felt by the people around us.  I believe a good, healthy self check-in is to ask yourself 'how am I making other people feel?'

You feel me?



Music:  Here is an oldie but a goodie from The Lumineers.  The band leader's wife told him he was like the Dead Sea...that she'll never sink when he's with her...and he wrote a song including this sentiment.  How romantic. 

go be it

'The chains of  habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken' - Warren Buffett

Music:  Click here to listen to one of my favorite all around bands...Dawes.  They're from California, and have been described as having a Laurel Canyon sound.  The singer/guitar player has an awesome 1960's telecaster...for all you guitar buffs out there.  His brother plays drums in the band...and they have a special harmony when they sing together.  Griffin, the drummer, takes hipster to a whole new level.  I secretly want to be this guy for a week.  Enjoy!   

  

What inspires you?  What get's your juices flowing?  Is it sports, politics, family, education, music?  We all have certain experiences when we feel engaged and intrigued.  And we are all so different as to what flicks that switch for us.  

More and more, I've been trying to live closer to those things that are inspirational for me.  I wonder if all of us do this enough.  I know for me, for a long time...I didn't.  Whether out of fear, insecurities, self-doubt, or many other reasons, we often don't try new things or pursue avenues we are unsure of.  And that is surely something to regret.  I remember reading something a while back (can't remember the source) in which older people that were near the end of their lives...basically gave advice on how to live.  Most of the regrets had to do with things they hadn't done or tried.  And the best advice was to live with passion, don't care what others think, take more risks, and worry less.  Living this way enriches our lives and creates happiness for ourselves and those around us.  

Last summer, the band Dawes that I introduced above, was playing in Portsmouth, NH at Prescott Park.  I found out about it last minute and asked a couple friends to go.  But it was the morning of the show and no one was able to.  I had really just started listening to them.  I was inspired and had to see them.  But I wasn't too psyched about going alone, parking would be tough, the place would probably be packed, wouldn't be able to find a good seat, might be too cold.  These are the negative thoughts that immediately ran through my head.  Something I've done a lot of in the past, and something I'm always working on reversing.  Anyway, I showed up to a beautiful setting on the water.  The place wasn't packed at all, and I was able to sit on the grass on the right side of the stage.  I was right next to that hipster drummer, and had an incredible view of everything.  I felt like I had a backstage pass or something.  As they played, the sun set, creating a golden glow over the park, and I knew...this was one of those inspirational moments for me.  Families were dancing. The decades old guitar...ancient and full of scratches, rust, and wear, was still somehow sending out smooth and well-tuned notes.  And I noticed how much effort the band was putting in to creating each song, staying in time with one another, reading cues, and making this feel like their only show...not one of many on their tour. 

That experience, along with many others, has inspired me to be more 'musical'.  And I've created some habits to make sure that happens...because for me, it creates happiness, and it brings me closer to that passionate way of living.  It's actually really simple.  Why not try to do more of the things we like doing?

Having Matilda around has totally brought light to this.  The kid is always living in the moment, and as the innocence and naivety of childhood provides, simply doing the things she really wants to be doing.  It's of course a balance for us parents to allow as much of that as possible, while also showing boundaries and limitations.  This seems to be a conversation I'm having everyday now.   And I absolutely love it!

I feel strongly though that in order to harness your passion...to secure it and hold it for future access...you must act immediately, or soon after your inspirational experience.  We have so many thoughts.  So many distractions.  You need to make sure to somehow follow through on your experience.  This could be as simple as going home and writing a journal entry about your thoughts and feelings, and tying that in to your goals.  It could be setting up another date with that person.  Maybe it's buying your first guitar.  Starting to exercise more.  Or starting a business!  Whatever it is, use your passion as a catalyst.  It will help propel you to happiness and an inspirational life that is actually tailor fit for you!  It's like being your own life coach.  

Do you ever say, 'that would be fun', or 'I should do that', but then find that you have reasons or excuses or distractions that get in the way?  Just the simple awareness of your thoughts surrounding this will prove to be very helpful.  And I've said this before...mindfulness and meditation are amazing tools...especially when it comes to self-awareness.  Once you are aware, you can start creating everyday habits that are directly linked to what you truly want.  I believe in using routines and habits to instill these values...especially if you're an old dog learning new tricks.  I'll share some of the routines that help me in another post.  

The next time you feel emotional, passionate, truly inspired...go be it!

What does inspire you...and how do you find it in your every day?

Please follow below if you like what you read...thank you!  



    

born and raised

'When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence'    - Thich Nhat Hanh

Music:  I would say Justin Vernon is somewhat of a musical genius.  His band, Bon Iver, is pretty special.  Click HERE to listen while you read! 

What does it take to raise our children properly?  And when are they 'raised'?  How can we measure what we've done...what they've done...and decide if they've grown up, succeeded...if we've succeeded as parents?

I think about this a lot.  And I'm always trying to gather answers from books (just finished 'Duct Tape Parenting, and I loved 'Parenting without Borders'...check my reading list HERE), and other parents, and family.  Parenting is unique and intriguing.  We're all just trying to do what we think is best, and use what we believe to be, the most effective strategies in order to prepare our children for the future.  Do we employ methods our parents used that proved to help us, and that left us with happy memories?  Do we fall into inevitable patterns and behaviors that we swore to ourselves we'd never practice?

With the fact that I'm only 4 years into parenting, new experiences, and questions, and trial and error, have been frequently arising.  It's forced me (or allowed me) to strengthen my opinions regarding methods, search deeper for more understanding, and laugh when I catch myself thinking I've figured it all out.  I have figured out a little actually, and have gathered some ideas I believe in:


Circle of Elephants

Our children do best with a strong support structure around them.  We as parents can fulfill the immediate needs of our kids.  But we can't do it all.  This is the 'it takes a village' idea.  There are so many obstacles and challenges in our children's future.  There are many hyenas trying to get at our baby elephants.  Our community is where we can find and select our other elephants that will create a circle around our calf.

Matilda with her Aunt McCall

We should look to our relatives, our friends, our schools, our neighbors, our church, our coaches and others that we trust to be part of our network.  I think this is such a healthy way to 'use' people.  And immediately that term brings up a host of negative connotations.  However, along with a love, companionship, trust, and reverence we have for these folks around us, we can also simply appreciate that they all offer wonderful and diverse perspectives, beneficial for raising our kids.  If this is a consideration of yours, you'll be able to 'use' their help.  And especially as the children grow older, they'll hopefully see some individuals in the circle as mentors, and will be able to access them on their own.




Math

There are 168 hours in a week.  How much time did you spend last week in the immediate presence of your child?  I mention 'immediate presence' because I feel strongly about our proximity, and accessibility, and availability to our children.  We can't be home, but removed.  Nearby but inaccessible.  And we can't just rely on our Circle of Elephants, before we've created a strong, healthy pack at home.

Matilda's seedlings are fragile but resilient

My daughter, Matilda was born prematurely, and needed to stay at the hospital for a month or so.  Fortunately, the hospital she was delivered in (Catholic Medical Center), was practicing 'couplet care'.  This is an evidence based best practice in maternity care, encouraging the mother and baby to be as close and together as much as possible during their stay.  I'm guessing the research and evidence with Dads is lacking...I don't see much.  And from my perspective as a single Dad, I'm starting to notice more discrepancies and cultural norms and interesting gender roles like that still present in today's world.  With that said, I still attempted to be as close to Matilda as possible, for as much time as possible...even so close as practicing 'skin-to-skin' contact when able, in order to strengthen our bond and concentrate on that connection.

Maybe we could consider Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hour rule, in which he proposes that we need to practice something for 10,000 hours in order to achieve mastery.  Maybe if we are around our children for that many hours...they will be 'raised'!  You see, I try to think of standard time with our children as addition.  Just add up the hours.  However, I believe in somewhat of a multiplier option.  The closer you are to your children...the more multiplication is happening.  Some might see this as 'attachment parenting'.  And by the way, the definitions for that mostly speak of a closeness for mother and child...doesn't mention as much on Dads...there's something wrong with that!  Anyhow, during the earlier

stages of the child's life, it's even more exponential.  I think we can make a single hour become 1.1 or 1.2 hours with this practice.  Another way to multiply is to think of the intensity of the experience
together.  This can be emotionally or physically.  Think about if you went rock climbing with your child for an hour...and compare that to playing Angry Birds with them for an hour.  This significance of the experience is multiplied on out.  Be careful though, a once-a-month movie date does not compete with 30 days of dinner at the table together.  It doesn't add up.

If we are around our kids for an hour before school, and lets say three hours after...is that enough?  4 hours in a given day?  Let's also say we spend more time with them on the weekend...maybe 10 hours per day.  So 20 hours on a weekend, and 20 total during the week.  That's 40 hours out of the 168 available.  This is obviously a very general estimate...maybe way low or way high for you.  But I would guess it's close to average.   Is it enough?  Is that enough time for us to reach our goals as parents?  Is it enough to raise our kids properly?

This, for me, brings in the question of schools or daycare.  If a child is on the bus, at school/daycare, attending an after school activity for 8 hours a day/ 40 hours a week...that's the same amount of time that we are spending on them...investing in them ourselves.  It must be stated that we are placing a huge responsibility...an immense pressure...on those institutions we send our children to.  At the same time, we as parents are holding a tremendous amount of trust and faith in these people and places.

Matilda made this at her pre-school.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I've been to school.  I've found amazing teachers and mentors.  I've had some bad ones.  Some helped me overcome obstacles, and challenged me, and helped me grow.  Some seemed out to lunch, cold, unavailable.  I've also taught high school English, and held other positions at schools.  I wonder if I was ever 'out to lunch'.  Oh no!  There were definitely moments when I was!  Sorry kids.  And parents.  I only say this because I'm not sure we think enough about how our kids time is spent, if our teachers are amazing...incentivized and rewarded to be such, if the administration allows that.  "It's a good school district," is what I hear from many parents...but I often wonder where that came from and if they truly know what's happening for the 40 hours a week...if their situation is truly the best use of that time.  It's such a hard question.  And what are our options?  Moving, private schooling, homeschooling, unschooling?  Maybe it's as simple as having that conversation with the teacher that you've been meaning to have.  I think these are all worth exploring.

What are your best tips for parenting?  What are the books or films that have helped you the most? Do you have a circle of elephants? Please comment, share, post, and follow if you like!



 


      

3 ways to kill a bug

‘We learn best at the edge of comfort’

That bug that’s out there...the one that’s going around?  It somehow found it’s way into our house.  Maybe it crawled down the chimney.  Or perhaps around a window that was flashed incorrectly.

Symptoms (in order of appearance):  headache, sore throat, fever, chills, body aches, cough, wheezing, stuffy/runny nose, belly ache, throwing up.  These are what Matilda (my 4-year-old daughter) has been dealing with since last week.  On her second day in, I started in with the same symptoms.  Because it was so prevalent in our week, I figured I’d write about it, in hopes of tuning in to what’s going on.

In a way, I wish meteorologists and doctors would convene and create a radar...a doppler of sorts, in which we could see colds, flus, viruses, etc. approaching with real time data.  Severity of sickness could be articulated through saturation of color.  With luck, we could have Al Kaprilian warning us of an amplitudinal viral jet stream, approaching from the west.  We’d have time to check our medicine cabinets and make a vegetable soup.  Click HERE for a little fun with Al.

We all handle being under the weather a little differently.  I’ve been told by many females however, that men are total wimps when it comes to being sick.  At the first sign of a scratchy throat, men are all...can you get me the Nyquil babe...is that Tiger Balm still in there...can you rub it on my chest...and compresses and humidifiers and can you just take care of the kids for a while and thermometers and pseudoephedrine and if I just lay and watch this game I’ll probably get better sooner and tissues everywhere and annoying salt water gargling and snorting and clearing of throats that is all completely unnecessary.

My sister was telling me about a great line she noticed online stating that ‘during labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels when he has a fever.’

While I like to think that I go unphased when the bug comes around, and keep checking off items on the to-do list even when the coughs commence, I am more likely very affected by illness, and possibly play the part of a wimp.  I have found some ways to cope though, and I hope they help you!  Here are 3 ways to kill a bug:

1. Acknowledgment/Awareness - My mom used to say if you pretend you’re not sick, you won’t be.  While I believe in mind over matter in some instances (more on that in #2), this one hasn’t worked for me.  I’ve found though, that an initial lowering of expectations for myself is healthy.  I can’t just power through.  With age comes a better understanding of our own boundaries and limitations, the ability to say ‘no’ when needed, and a self-awareness that connects us to the ebb and flow present in all of the natural world.  There will always be suffering and prosperity...storms and sun...strep and a clean bill of health.  Too often, we live with a desire for a life free from suffering.  When we hit a wall or find a bug though (which will happen), we define it as a failure, or as ‘unsuccessful’, and discover negative emotions threaded there.  In that world, success...and everything desired...is fleeting.  Intangible.  I’ve found that an acknowledgment and acceptance of all the good and bad unlocks doors to rooms, all containing joy and happiness.  Mindfulness and meditation are probably the most effective keys for those locks.
2. Nip it in the bud - When I was teaching, I once had this hilarious student.  He pulled out a huge tomato in class and started eating it like an apple.  I thought he was putting on another show, and I asked ‘what are you doing?’  He said his mom told him that eating tomatoes at the start of a cold will stop it in its tracks.  She packed him 3 massive heirlooms for the day.  Just 3 tomatoes.  So while juice and seeds spewed across the classroom, he held the biggest tomato eating grin on his face...and he was fine!  It’s science.  Actually, I believe science has proven that zinc, taken at the onset, can shorten the common cold.  But you’ll have to look that up on the world wide interwebs.  This is where I believe in mind over matter though.  Whatever you do, do it early, and commit to believing in it, even if your significant other thinks you’re ridiculous.  Down your excessive amount of vitamin C.  Pop those echinacea pills.  Teachers...turn your Airborne tablets to fizz, and tap dance into your classroom.  This is simply a habit that you’ll form...a commitment to a routine that, in your mind, is helpful and productive.  You may even be able to convince others that your crazy concoction is the elixir of life.
3. TLC - If you listen to the song ‘Waterfalls’ by the group TLC during sickness, you will greatly… You didn’t honestly fall for that did you???  Please tell me you did.  It will make my day!  This one isn’t for your ‘self’...it’s for others.  TLC stands for tender loving care, for all you cold-hearted curmudgeons out there.  When someone around you isn’t feeling 100, take it down a notch, provide a softer shoulder, be careful (that’s ‘full of care’), be mindful, and generous.  It will come back to you in unforeseeable manifestations.  As a dad, one of the most fulfilling responsibilities for me has been taking care of Matilda when she’s needy.  I love being attentive and able to sooth and comfort when I can.  I feel very fortunate and grateful for that.  Having one child has allowed me to be more present.  Knowing my own abilities, I wouldn’t be as effective with more children.  I have a great appreciation and respect for you parents with multiple children.  When I feel overwhelmed, I sometimes think of some of you, and find inspiration there.  

When the bug gets in our houses...when we have what’s ‘going around’, we can learn much about ourselves and others.  We can find teachable moments for our children...with limits and boundaries...with pain and acceptance...with a tissue over a sleeve.  

A college professor once told me we learn best when at the edge of comfort, and that I should try to find contentment there...and sit there often. I can't thank that professor enough for this. That edge of comfort is a place where our needs are met, but where we are frequently challenged.

Let us all walk that edge carefully, holding the hands of our children, being deliberate and delicate with every step.

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